When we grow up in a dysfunctional home, we attract partners who behave in dysfunctional patterns. These patterns are unconsciously familiar to us, which is confusing. We think it is love, but we wonder if love hurts like this.

When we find ourselves in extreme emotional, psychological pain we wonder and demand answers to what is normal and what is not. During this phase we do healing work and understand the difference between a healthy relationship versus a toxic relationship.

When we heal ourselves, we fall in love with ourselves and we require more. For example, we become superb at setting boundaries; we know our tolerance; we have high standards for ourselves and we have solid integrity. We change and people notice us. We have energy; we sleep better; we look more attractive; we have clarity and we love life and ourselves.

Unfortunately, during the healing phase, we falsely believe that we must be completely healed before we find our true love. That is impossible! We are all working in progress. The key is to surround ourselves with healthy people who love themselves first. They will also have boundaries, tolerations, high standards, etc.

Here are 10 guides of a healthy relationship to keep in mind.

1. You both feel safe to express your feelings and opinions openly with one another.

2. You feel safe to disagree because it is done with respect and you don’t have to worry this will be a fight where one will win and the other will lose.

3. You both are curious about each other's point of view.

4. You have a life outside each other’s lives. You maintain relationships that are important to you such as friendships and family.

5. You both have healthy boundaries.

6. When conflict occurs, we discuss it respectfully. It is safe. You make repair attempts; you apologize and you are accountable for each other's behaviors.

7. You deeply connect by feeling safe to express your vulnerabilities.

8. There is immense support for each other’s goals, dreams, ambitions.

9. Your love is mature, so you have friendship besides having romance and chemistry for each other.

10. You know your relationship will have challenges. You also know that because you both behave in healthy patterns consistently, you can return to love and accept that some days are harder than others.

I have created a unique 12-step Program that helps individuals transform from the inside out to give you that solid foundation you deserve. If you are interested in learning more, click here for more information.

I will leave you with this question to ponder. How does a healthy relationship feel to you?

Sincerely, Vania

Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash