Mature loves know that getting triggered is part of life, therefore we don’t have the natural habit of judging ourselves. We know that not only will we get triggered, we will trigger our partners as well. We instead developed a natural compassion for ourselves after we realize we’ve been triggered. We don’t judge ourselves, we instead have deep compassion. We take a deep breath and move to behave in a better way the next second. We repeat compassion and forgiveness to ourselves over and over again. For many of us, we didn’t have healthy role models while growing up, so we take accountability for our actions while having compassion for the immature part of us.

Mature loves know that there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship.” We drop the false perception of a perfect relationship from ourselves, as well from our partners. We know our partners can’t read our minds. We get really good at understanding our needs and we have no problem asking for them. Mature love has no problem giving attention to our needs. There is a beautiful flow of giving and receiving each other's needs.

Mature love deeply understands the immense value of vulnerability. We speak our truth as we feel it. Dr. Brene Brown has dedicated her entire career to researching vulnerability. She describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”

Essentially, it's that uncomfortable feeling we get when we are no longer in our comfort zone. We are comfortable feeling uncomfortable with our feelings. We are selective of whom we trust when sharing our vulnerability. Not everyone deserves to know this side of us. We simply don’t become vulnerable with unsafe people.

Mature love takes full responsibility for how we feel and how we respond to situations. Beginning our sentences with the “I” statement instead of “you” is second nature to us. We know that in mature love partners are not only aware of our behaviors, and we take full responsibility for our behaviors without being in denial and blaming someone else.

Mature love knows the feeling of “passion” is linked to reenacting the emotional cycle of trauma. These types of “passion love” rely on high and lows making us unconsciously recreate emotional trauma cycles. These cycles promote themes of abandonment that can mimic “sexy or exciting.” Mature love no longer falls for these unstable feelings, as we know true mature emotional intimacy feels safe and secure.

I have created a unique 12-step program that helps individuals transform from the inside out to give you that solid foundation you deserve. If you are interested in learning more, click here for more information.

I will leave you with this question to ponder. How does mature love sound to you?

Sincerely, Vania

Photo by Leighann Blackwood on Unsplash