Did you know that when we fear abandonment by another person, we increase the chances of abandoning ourselves? Yes, we do that because we maybe subconsciously believe that if we betray ourselves enough, then the other person won’t leave us. This unspoken message is often what is present when we fear someone abandoning us.

Did you know that those fears often come from early childhood wounds? Did you know that wounded attachments from childhood are often where this programming has its origin stories?

Our mind goes into overdrive by making us feel we must trade in order to attach to that person. In order to be enough, to be chosen, to be loved, we subconsciously think, “What must I give away of myself to gain those things from you?”

We naturally seek what is familiar to our system. Unfortunately, trauma bonds have us re-enact the past. So what do you mean, you might be asking? Well, our system gets drawn into familiarity and seeks to recreate in order to find a different outcome. Unfortunately for us, we simply can’t guide ourselves to a new outcome if we aren’t awake. We can’t get there if we abandon ourselves in order to keep another.

As you can probably guess, this work of recognizing our pattern to stop self-abandoning can be challenging. It is more threatening to be abandoned by another than to be abandoned by ourselves. Because our need to be chosen by another is superior to being chosen by ourselves.

It is a gift you will be giving yourself to have the courage to take the journey back into your wounds, trauma, and story to inspect and unpack. There’s work in our origin story that needs our attention so that we can move on. This process is so important, because we cannot have authentic connection and attachment if we are abandoning ourselves.

I have created a unique 12-step program that helps individuals transform from the inside out to give you that solid foundation you deserve. If you are interested in learning more, click here for more information.

I will leave you with these questions to ponder. What does abandoning yourself feel like? What do you believe being chosen will heal in you?

Sincerely, Vania

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